Diet Diary Day - entry 9

Losing weight feels impossible some weeks. There are actually days when I feel like it's a minute to minute battle not to run to the grocery store and hoover down the entire chips and cookie aisle. Still holding steady on the weight, but this weekend I ate like a lumberjack, so I'm sure it will show up on the scale by next Saturday unless I can actually stick with the detox this week. Yep. I've decided to try that again. I'm halfway through day one, and while I already feel much better, I have a battle ahead of me to overcome the pizza, Hooters boneless wings, and Cold Stone Creamery cupcakes I ate over the weekend. Between those three items, that's got to be 5000 calories minimum. And last night after a weekend of overeating, I felt awful. Well, that's a given if I'm willing to do the detox voluntarily, right? UGH. I wanted to make cookies for the garbage guys who brought us a shiny new trashcan, but there's no way I can do that right now without eating the cookie dough, and the last thing I need right now is a big lump of fat and sugar. Even if there is oatmeal in there. I really wonder why it's so freakin' hard for some people (meaning me) to eat only when I'm hungry and to eat food that satisfies my nutritional needs instead of my emotional needs.

It occurred to me on Saturday that I've been gaining and re-losing the same 5 to 8 pounds since December. By now, I should be at least 15 to 20 lbs lighter than I am right now. It also makes me wonder if there isn't something else going on - maybe a thyroid or hormonal issue that might be slowing down my weight loss - cause I'm sure it has nothing to do with me eating too much *snort*. The ice thing actually was helpful last week, but the bottom line is that like it or not, I'm going to have to start keeping a food diary. I don't know why I don't do that already, because it's always helped any time I've kept one. Actually, that's not true. I do know why. Because I don't want to face the possible reality that I'm still eating too much, when I feel deprived in one way or another most days. I also have to keep in mind that I'm still losing inches, even though my weight is pretty stable. I put on a pair of pants on Saturday that I could actually pull on and off with ease without unbuttoning or unzipping. That's got to mean some sort of progress, right? Right??!

So okay. To hold myself accountable, this week at the bottom of my posts I'm going to list what I've eaten the day before (uh, that will begin tomorrow) in all it's horrifying honesty and how much I worked out. If I don't do something drastic and public, I fear that this time next year I'll be avoiding looking at my entire self in the mirror again and telling myself that I don't look THAT different having gained 40+ pounds. I never want to be there again. I never want to pick up a pair of pants that used to be too tight and wonder if I can make it into a tent for the kids. No - seriously. It makes me wish I'd saved my biggest pair. By the end of the week, I'll be back in the habit and can keep it up without the oversharing. Hold me accountable, please. I need it.