Since coming back to the States, we've discovered Redbox, which is like the best idea ever. It's a self service kiosk that rents and dispenses movies for $1.00 a day. Loooooooooooove this idea. This weekend I got an email from Redbox with a code for a free rental. Well, heck! Sign me up for that! I remembered it last night so T and I took off looking for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, which was in stock when we left, but gone when we got there. Oh well....
Instead I ended up renting a Tinkerbell movie for the kids and Julie and Julia for R and I. I actually saw this movie at my dad's but the kids were rowdy, and R ended up taking them out of the room since Dad and Susan were going to be charged for the movie. Even though it's a movie about cooking, I thought there was enough there that it would be worth renting again - especially for $1.
Just in case you don't know, the movie is based on Julie Powell, who decided to cook and blog about all 524 recipes in Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking over the course of one year. I haven't read the blog or the book, but I loved the movie. I can easily identify with how adrift both Julie and Julia felt at a certain point in their lives. I still wonder at what point I'm going to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'll be sure and share the news as soon (if ever) as I figure it out. But I'm very content, so maybe my life now is where I'm meant to be. Don't know. But I am very, very fortunate and am glad that I realize it while I can enjoy some of it.
In the movie, Julie and her husband have a fight and he tells her that with this blogging/cooking project, she thinks she's become the center of the universe. Hmmmmm. Is that what I'm after too? Feeling like I'm at the center of someone, anyone's universe? If so, does that mean I'm a narcissist or have (in general) a bloated idea of my own self importance? I mean, seriously, why should anyone that doesn't know me care about the day to day life of my tiny little life? I started this blog as a way to keep my friends and family updated on our life while we were in Germany. I was feeling isolated and blogging seemed like a good way to reach out and 'be present', if that makes any sense. The downside to blogging? Everyone already knows what's going on, so there are fewer emails and general communications - which was an interesting dilemma for me. I was hoping for more interaction, not less.
And then there's the whole editing issue - I've already ticked off my mom enough that she doesn't read this anymore, and I'm sure she's not the only one I've offended. While offending someone is never on my agenda, where's the balance between sharing how you truly feel and avoiding hurting people's feelings unnecessarily? I do realize that it's not possible to make everyone happy, but I'm not the kind of person that would intentionally hurt someone's feelings either. I feel like I'm fairly direct, but I try really hard to be tactful. And, I really don't want to end up with this as some ongoing complaint session. There's enough negativity in the world as it is.
With that in mind, I was on FB today and looked up my sister in law's page. Sigh. She's pregnant again, which isn't a bad thing at all. But when did FB take the place of any other form of notification? As I'm scrolling down to catch up with what's going on in her life, I remember why I originally hid her posts. She and my brother make fun of everything and everyone. I don't believe they do it to be purposefully hurtful, but they also don't care that it can be and often is. It's just not my thing. You can be funny without making fun of people. You can make your point without trying to make someone else look wrong or silly or stupid.
My brother and dad have a strained relationship and have for a few years. It is what it is, and I'm not in or getting into the middle of it. My brother and I don't have a good relationship either. He was horrible to me when I was younger and he has no use for me at all unless he needs or wants something from me. In all fairness, that's how I see the relationship. So I had to laugh out loud as I scrolled through her FB posts and read about how my brother tries so hard with his family but is still alienated. Then again, that's how he apparently really feels. How sad for all of us that it's come to this. I'm not sure there's a solution to any of it.
If we were all to sit down and try to work this out (which would totally, absolutely never happen), it would be an ineffective disaster of, "I'm fine, I don't have a problem" on most sides while everyone truly felt differently. But, let us all take the red pill and be totally honest about how we feel, then everyone would hurt everyone else's feelings and we'd all get defensive and declare that no one else understands us. It would be funny if it weren't so real.
But the thing is, life is short and you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. So I think I need to get a running start, jump over the hurdle that is my ego or pride or whatever about my brother and sister in law and try again to build a better relationship - especially since our kids are going to be fairly close in ages. Wish me luck. I'm SO going to need it.
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