Yesterday I had a serious attitude problem.
Today? I got karma payback. I slept wrong somehow and when I woke up, I could barely move my neck and shoulders. On top of that? I developed a headache that actually had me wishing by 3 pm that someone would actually remove the axe that felt like it was buried in my head and just finish the job.
I came upstairs to lie down and before long, S came up. She brushed my hair, and by brushing my hair I mean she did her best to rip it out or pound it back into my skull. Not on purpose, of course, but....ow. When I asked her to stop, she cried, so I'm guessing I said it way more sharply than I intended.
I apologized and we curled up on the bed together, me with an ice pack on my eyes, and her with her arm thrown over her eyes. I asked her, "you okay?" Her reply? "Shhhhh. My eyeballs hurt."
This is exactly what I said to R when I requested the ice pack. I shudder to think of what she heard me say yesterday, but when we were at the commissary and waiting for the checkout troubles to be resolved, I was standing with the kids as they sat on a bench across from our checkout line. I had purchased a Propel lemon water, and I was drinking it. S asked for a sip, and I gave her one. T asked for a sip and I gave him one. He swallowed, made a face and asked me what that was. Water with lemon, I replied. I figured we didn't need to have the vitamin/antioxidant talk yet. He looked at the bottle for a second, then looked at me and said, "Well. It sucks." I almost spit water out on my kids. And I laughed really loud, which made them laugh with me. Heaven help these kids if they end up like me. For real.
So as I'm thinking about that today and playing with S's hair as we lie on the bed with our aching eyeballs, I realize that all my grumpiness and hatefulness from yesterday are gone. And I'm so grateful. Grateful enough that the headache is worth it, and that's saying a lot.
What seems like two million advil and hours later, I take some Excedrin. Within two hours, I can focus without pain. I was able to help put the kids to bed without wincing every time I moved or they spoke. And again? I was grateful.
Grateful that the headache was easing, grateful that R was here and willing to take over without complaint, grateful that my kids are the sweet, loving, caring kids that want to help when R or I don't feel well, grateful for my life which I sometimes take for granted. Grateful that I'm in this life with my friends and family, grateful for so many things. Just grateful.