One step forward, two steps back

When I dropped T off at school this morning, Mrs. B wanted to talk to me. It turns out that T has been a bit of a problem the last week or so - temper tantrums, poor listening, not respecting personal space...the same issues we had in Germany that led to the push for the sensory evaluation and my getting emotional at every parent teacher conference or IEP meeting. Sigh. I could tell Mrs. B was really frustrated. I'm frustrated too. For sure T is, or he wouldn't be acting that way. Mrs. B and I spoke for about 10 minutes. She gave me some things to try - versions of which I've tried already, but with T you never really know when something will click and what didn't work the last ten times will work on try number eleven.

I left the school this morning worried and stressed. He starts kindergarten next year, and these hijinks of his are going to get him labeled as a problem child and I can't disagree with that. It IS a problem. On some level I think I was just hoping that he would outgrow or had outgrown some of these issues. T was very much on my mind all morning and when he got home from school, I decided to try to talk to him and see if I could get any info. I swear, getting that kid to talk about what's going on in his head is like trying to pull info out of a special forces veteran by smiling widely and saying pretty please. Chances are slim indeed.

The talk I had planned out didn't go like I hoped. One of the things Mrs. B suggested is that we make an emotions chart with pictures of faces with specific emotions. Good idea, but T can tell you if he's angry, happy, sad, frustrated, tired, etc. He just can't seem to tell you why. So I thought - if we took pictures of T's face (and S's too) being happy, sad, angry, etc. we could get the pics printed at a Walgreens or something and then put the chart together as a fun thing to do. Getting the kids involved in something like that usually means that they are more excited and more likely to use it. I'm trying to explain what I want to do to T, he's not interested at all. He's fidgety, not making eye contact (which means he's not listening), rolling he eyes, and in general just blowing me off.

Deep breath time. Rinse. Repeat.

New approach. We had seen commercials for this craft project called 'PixOs' so I thought it might be a good idea to try this because if I can get the kids involved in an activity for an extended period of time, chances are much higher that said kids will talk to me without the eye rolls and tortured sighs. Off we go.

I'm not sure what happened to me along the way, but I took both kids to a sit down restaurant for lunch. By myself. Voluntarily. During prime lunch hours. This is unheard of for me. S has developed a fascination with belching and tooting no matter where she is in addition to an aversion to saying 'excuse me', but I decided to be brave and chance it. I was rewarded with well behaved kids who said please and thank you and did not fling food from one side of the restaurant to the other or wipe their hands on the people sitting around us in booths or destroy anything. It was a huge positive experience for all of us.

After lunch, we went to Toys R Us to get the PixO's. Because we lived in Germany for the last four years, the kids have never stepped foot in a Toys R Us. They've been to toy stores before, but nothing on this scale. I wish I had the camera with me because I could have absolutely gotten "awe", "joy", and "amazement" for our emotions board. To my huge surprise, even though they looked at just about everything they passed, they didn't really ask for anything and when I said it was time to move on from something, they did. We made it through the store only buying what we went there to buy. That's two huge successes in a row, for anyone that's counting.

We get home and play with the PixOs for a while. Well, the kids play with the PixOs, I pick up all the little PixOs balls that are dropped or spilled, much to the delight of the kids. And it was fun, I have to admit. Also? I owe an apology to my vacuum in advance for all the little PixOs balls it will be inhaling for me once I get tired of picking them up. Even better than that? I don't think the kids were as enamored with it as they expected to be, so I don't think I'll be having to purchase any refills. Double win.

After PixOs, the kids wanted to watch TV. We are really trying to limit the amount of TV they watch, so I was flipping through the channels looking for something suitable, interesting, and not Nick Jr. related. I have had my fill of Max and Ruby for the rest of this century. I settled on BMX racing. T has been talking about taking the training wheels off his bike and even though he tried it once, it resulted in a massive meltdown. So he and I are watching the bikes and talking about how cool it is, and I say that I think he would be good at that because the bumps and jumps are right up his alley. He starts to get excited and then I mention that he'll need to learn how to ride his bike with just two wheels, which flips a switch for him somehow and he freaks out. Wait - where did that come from? We'd been having such a good day.

30 minutes and a lot of frustration and confusion later, I finally figure out (I think) that the breakdown was apparently because he wanted to go outside and try riding his bike with just two wheels. Never once did he say that himself. Instead, he cried and pounded his fists and shouted.

Deep breaths.

It's difficult not to get frustrated at this process. I don't understand why he can't just say, "I want to go ride my bike now". I don't know how to help him. Is this some from of auditory, mental, or emotional disability that we don't know about? Is this a purely behavioral thing? Is it related to his sensory or speech issues? Is it possible that a five year old needs anger management therapy? It's unreasonable to expect anyone to try and figure out how a fit over a comment about riding a bike = I want to go outside and ride my bike. While I would do anything possible to help T, he has to learn how to express himself appropriately. I have no clue how to help him at this point and no clue who can help him. It hurts to see him struggle like this. And I'm not sure if S is following in his footsteps or just learning his behaviors, but I don't know that I'm up to a repeat of all this with her. One of the kids in T's class already calls him a baby, and there are moments when I can understand why. I simply have no idea what to do.

After R comes home and I fill him in, we finally get T outside so he can ride his bike. I guess because there was so much discussing about this, once I figured out he wanted to go and ride his bike, he no longer wanted to - until R got home. Once we got him outside, he tried riding without the training wheels and freaked out. Freaking out this time involved him throwing his bike down, sitting down in someones yard down the street and refusing to move. That resulted in R dragging him back home, kicking, screaming, and crying. Once R got him home, he ran back outside and wanted to sit in the middle of the street. For crying out loud kid. Seriously? At that point, R was like - woooooooooooo. I need a break from this. Word! I get T to the sidewalk where there isn't anything he can pick apart, destroy, or throw and let him sit it out. Mrs. B advised me to ignore T if possible when he's pouting like this because it is likely a way to get attention. I'll say. Wanting to sit in the middle of a street during 'burb rush hour is gonna get you some attention all right - attention of the social services and possibly local police kind. Since I could see him, he was safe, and he wasn't in the middle of the street or any one's property, I just stayed out with S and let him pout it out. I went inside to go to the bathroom so R went back outside, and when I came back outside, guess who was riding his bike with just two wheels. Yep. I'm so proud....and so confused.