Eating my words

Crikey.


I clearly remember saying and thinking that I will not do ________ when I am grown up or have kids. Let's see how I fared...


Thing 1 - Seem angry all the time.
Outcome -needs work. Having kids made me realize that I am not the calm, laid back, go with the flow gal I thought I was. I struggle with not raising my voice at them, but gosh it's hard not to yell when no one is listening to you. Ever. Especially when the one not listening is determined to run into the street or parking lot without giving a thought to looking for cars.


Thing 2 - Allow hitting
Outcome - better than the anger thing, but not great. My brother and I fought all the time when we were younger and many of those fights were brutal. I swore that I would never allow my kids to fight physically. Guess what I've learned? It's way easier said than done as it turns out. There are times when I'm not sure what's worse - bickering or hitting. I'm NOT okay with physical violence of any sort. Ironically, a few days ago I found myself saying "If you don't stop pushing each other, I'm going to spank both of you!" WTHeck? Way to go, me. Plus, they've already figured out I'd rather slam my hand in a door than lay a hand on them physically (other than the occasional hand or leg pop). And how can I demand they not be physical with others if I'm physical with them?

Thing 3 - Practice the art of ignoring
Outcome - debatable. I hate to be ignored. Oh my gosh, it absolutely drives me crazy. I think my issues with not being listened to stem from this. Mom used to get to a point with my brother and I where she would just walk away, go to her bedroom, and shut the door. I have an entirely new perspective on this now that I have kids. When they aren't listening, aren't doing what you ask/tell/expect them to, and you are at your breaking point, sometimes it's better to walk away than to escalate the situation. This is completely open for debate, and I'm struggling to figure out a balance between yelling and ignoring but still being taken seriously.

Thing 4 - Mutter under my breath
Outcome - Miserable, utter fail. My Grandmother has always done this and so does R. And way more times than I even want to think about admitting, I've caught myself doing this too. It's so passive aggressive. If I'm muttering it, then why not just say it at regular volume? Oh, that's right - because you rarely mutter something wonderful, positive, and supportive.

Thing 5 - Say "because I said so"
Outcome - Fail! In my minute acquired wisdom as a parent, sometimes that really is the answer.

I'm thinking of starting (or begging to join) a parental support group, because I obviously need help.