Dear Scale:
I loathe you. I loathe how I was all excited that I thought I'd lost 8 more pounds, only to discover that placing you on any surface that isn't perfectly even results in an wildly varied weight reading (btw - our kitchen floor, hallway to the half bath and laundry room, and the entryway are all out because apparently it's impossible to have an even square foot of uncarpeted floor in this house. Damn government contractors and their shoddy workmanship) . Unless, of course, I can actually lose and gain and lose and gain and lose and gain 8 pounds in the space of a minute or two, in which case I've got some very serious issues to deal with. But how am I supposed to know that, huh?!?! HUH!?!?!?!
And even though this isn't your fault, scale, I hate you for being the messenger and for the influence you have over the beginning of my day based on your digits. Bah! I mean, is it really too much to ask that you give me just the facts and to have those facts be accurate? How else am I supposed to know whether to eat four or six ounces of chicken? GEEZ.
Sincerely and with resentment,
Me
PS - There is no way - no way - that with all the water I drink that my hydration level is as low as you say. You know it, and I know it, so knock it off already.
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