We made it from home to North Carolina in one day. Even after leaving a full hour after I had expected to leave.
And let’s talk about those expectations for juuuuust a minute. And the fact that this post may take 12 hours to read. Just warning you....
I had a plan. WE had a plan. Granted it was a kind of spur of the moment type plan, but it was a good plan, a solid plan. :snort:
R signed up for a swimming course at the Y on Saturday mornings at the ungodly hour of 8 am. What was he thinking? I have no idea, other than since he’s usually up by 5 and at work by 7, possibly an 8 am class is not early to that crazy man? Whatever, I’m not complaining. In fact, thank you Uncle Sam! His inability to sleep late means that on the weekends, he’ll get up with the kids because the thought of the kids climbing into bed with us and all of us just hanging out there is simply torture to R. Beds are for sleeping, people, and you do not cross purposes! Except for an exception or two that is SO not the topic of this post. A-hem. Bed hanging out. It just isn’t done. But like I said, I benefit greatly from this (uh…plus he feeds them breakfast, so I’ll just be shutting up about early rising now) so complaining would be rude.
A couple weeks ago, I signed the kids up for a six week gymnastics course. Same gym as the swim course, only it’s at 9:45. Much more decent time o’the mornin’. And the only slots they had available for both kids. Not a problem. At that point there were no vacation plans to interfere. Any other Saturday, R would have gotten up gone to his class, I would have gotten up, gotten the kids ready, taken them to gymnastics, done my workout at the same time and life would be grand.
This Saturday, however, we were planning to drive to NC. It’s about a 12 hour trip. The earliest I could leave would be after gymnastics at 10:30. Doable. The kids would be tired and we could drive as long as possible and then stop for the night. As long as we at least made it halfway, I’m good. So Friday night, R and I discuss “the plan”. We’ve been married long enough for me to realize that what I mean when I say words isn’t always exactly how he hears them. I also know that any objections or questions he has will not come up until we are in the middle of ‘the plan’ unless he just flat out refuses to do something.
So here was my proposal: we all go to the gym together (I thought I said separate cars, apparently I did not – but I meant to, honestly!) for his 8 am class. I can put the kids in the child care room and work out myself from 8 to 9. At that point, I leave and go home to shower, change, and pack the car. R hangs with the kids (or leaves ‘em in the child care room and reads a book or something) until their class starts at 9:45. He stays there, and I come back fully packed and loaded and ready to pick up the kids and hit the road. Now would be a great time to mention that R wasn’t coming with us, hence the need for separate vehicles. Sounds great, no? I thought so too. I packed everything we’d need the night before other that what I needed to shower and change, so really all I had to do was put the last few things in and load the car. Easy peasy.
Saturday morning. Alarm goes off at 6 am. 6 am is a perfectly reasonable hour. When the kids were babies, sometimes 6 am seemed like mid morning. So, 6. Only, I’m exhausted and I’m not getting up at 6, no matter how loudly you buzz, alarm clock. Also? Snooze! So there! I’m going to the gym. There is no need to take a shower only to work out and have to take another shower. That’s just a huge waste of time and water. Therefore, I can sleep until at least 6:36. I don’t know what time I actually got out of bed, only that it’s still in the 6ish range and my bladder has informed my brain that yes, we will indeed be getting up NOW. Fine! I’m up. I’ve got the kids' clothes picked out already so all they have to do is get up and get dressed. And eat something that no one has to cook. I’ll be honest, I have no idea what I did between the time I got up and the time we left for the gym. I know I got dressed and put the kids’ bathroom stuff in the overnight bag and I know I meant to brush S’s hair…Oh, wait. I had to check email and Café World so my dishes wouldn’t spoil. Yeah, that was the time killer. Oops.
Still, we were ready to hit the door at 7:35, which was plenty of time to get to the gym by 8. Only for R, being on time means being at least 15 minutes early. For me, it means being there right at the appointed time – but I will say I’ve gotten a little better about that over the years…most of the time. I’m still thinking separate cars, but R gets into the van. Okaaay. So I get in the van too and I can tell he’s frustrated by the set of his jaw and the general aura of displeasure now swirling around him. I love my husband. No lie – he’s an absolutely incredible man, but seriously? I’m about to drive halfway across the country with two kids under 6 solo, so if you’ve got something to say man, speak up. Like I said though, this is our hot button issue (at least for me) and we’ve had this exactly same freaked up communication pattern since we got together. If he’s not going to speak up until the last minute, that’s okay. But I no longer try to drag it out of him, because he’s not going to speak up until the last minute. And actually, now that I think about it, that is sort of progress because he used to wait until it was said and done to spit out what would have been an extremely reasonable request. But I can’t help you out unless you TELL me, and if you tell me after the fact, not only can I not help you, then I’m annoyed that I asked at least three times, any version of ‘are you SURE you’re okay with this?’ and no one spoke up. GAH!
Anywho, we pull out of the driveway and I say, ‘What is it?’ I can almost see the words in his mouth trying to hammer through his teeth and escape.
“nothing”
“except….”
“it’s nothing”
Silence and waiting
We are out of the driveway and heading up the street. Do you hear crickets chirping? No? It’s just me? Okay.
Waiting….
“It’s just that…”
Uh huh! I think to myself. “What?”
We are now at the end of the street. I know what he’s going to say..he’s confused, why are we driving together, how is this going to work? I agree, because that was MY plan from yesterday. I have no idea how all of us being in the same vehicle is going to work well for any of us, but I thought that’s what he wanted. Like maybe this is a last minute push to spend some time with us before we leave for a week.
“I guess I’m just confused.” (Confused - check. Separate cars are better up next)
“confused about…..”
“how are we going to do this with one vehicle?” (why are we driving together – check)
“What to do you mean?” (I know, I’m a bitch, but it’s so FUN when he does this) “Stop!” I say as he starts to turn on the next street. “Let’s talk about this now before we go any further.”
“I just don’t know what we are doing.”
“Tell me what you mean, exactly.” (you want to take your car….)
“Well, how is this going to work?”
“We go to the gym – you take your swim class, I put the kids in child care, I work out. I come home, take a shower, pack the car, you get the kids to gymnastics, I come back pick us all up, I guess bring you home…”
“Yeah . I mean, isn’t that backtracking? “ He starts to pull out again.
“Stop. Don’t go any further away from the house until we agree on what we are doing.”
“But. Just.” Frustrated sigh. (aww..he has verbal block so I let him off the hook)
“I thought we were taking separate cars, I have no idea why you got into the van.”
“Oh!” The relief on his face was comical. Poor guy.
We turn around and get his car. (Separate cars, check)
We get to the gym and go our separate ways. Child care doesn’t open until 8 am, so we have about 5 minutes to wait. I use this to groom our kids, because apparently neither one of us paid any attention to how they looked when we left the house. S’s hair hadn’t been brushed, and they both had sleep crust in the corners of their eyes and the remains of breakfast on their faces. Wow. How did I miss that? So I get the kids cleaned up and off they go. I work out and realize that I can’t just leave when I’m done without making sure that R and I are still on the same page. All I need is for the Y to think I’m walking out without the kids…whoooooooo. So I hang out and wait for R and we restate the plan. Only by the time I leave, it’s 9:30 and I don’t have enough time. Also? T can’t find his Leapster, and I was counting on that to keep him busy for the majority of the trip so I need to try and find it.
I get home, shower, dry my hair, get dressed, look upstairs for the Leapster. No dice. Uh oh. I drag the bags downstairs, look downstairs for the Leapster. No dice. It’s not outside, not in the car, not in a closet or behind the couch. Not in a cabinet or a kitchen drawer. And, it’s already 10:30. I’m supposed to be picking up the kids now. I still haven’t gotten ice for the cooler or gas for the van, or packed the car. And this is where I went mostly wrong. When I hurry like this, I will actually throw anything I can find in the car that I think I might need, especially when I’m compensating for the loss of a favorite toy. I start chucking things in the car: big suitcase, overnight bag, bag with my laptop (priorities, yo!), S’s potty ring that you can sit on top of any standard toilet (and also…sanitary!) and some other stuff, a bag of snacks, a bag of bathing suits and towels, the duffel bag we used for bathing suits and towels when we went to Six Flags’ Hurricane Harbor, Lysol wipes, hand soap, extra Ziploc and trash bags, rain jackets, extra shoes, extra towels and paper towels, the kids’ swim rings, and some toys….etc. So basically, the van is full. FULL. I jump in and take off, forgetting the jacket mom asked me to bring, my good sandals, and juice for the kids. I also forget to mail three cards I’ve been meaning to mail since Tuesday. Whew. I try to call R on the way to let him know I’m running late, because I’m sure he hasn’t figured that out yet seeing as how it’s now 10:45 and I was R late as of 10:15. No answer.
I pull in the parking lot around 11. Everyone is fine. Me? I’m sweating like I just took a Zumba class. I’m so glad I took that shower.
Tune in tomorrow for part two (yes, there is so so much more :P )
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