I ONLY USED TWO SQUARES~The story I'm not sure should be told

Ummm. Yeah. This post? Is NOT going to be for everyone. If you are easily grossed out, run now. Seriously. I warned you.


Two weeks ago when the kids and I came to NC for a visit, we stayed in the same hotel we are staying in right now. It was a great experience. We had absolutely no problems or issues at all. So when we planned our trip back for this week, I had no reservations about making reservations here again. heh. I made a funny.


Anyway. We get to the hotel later than we expected because of S's abuse of potty power. As in realizing that the phrase "I need to go potty" will make the parental units jump through toddler hoops. So we must have stopped at least 10 times on the way down. So much, in fact, that we ended up just putting a pull up back on her after the fifth false alarm. S? Thought this was hilarious. Us? Not as funny.


We check in, bring our stuff in, get the kids settled and go to sleep. The next morning, I pick up a toy T left on the floor and there's an ant on it. Hmmm. So I mention this to R and he looks around, and we discover that there are a few dead ants in the room, mostly near the window. We are near a tree shaded, landscaped area and I can see how ants could be in the room, especially if someone had the window open. If the ants are dead, I'm cool with it.


And then I'm in the bathroom. And there are a few live ants in there. I kill them, we leave for the day. That night when we get back, I see a few more. The next morning? Even more. It seems like they are coming in through the bathroom somehow. Okay...I'm done. So we change rooms. The hotel was good about it. Our new room? On the second floor. No bugs. Seems cleaner. But there is mold on the bathroom ceiling and I think someone got busy in the shower because the shower curtain rod was pretty obviously mostly ripped off the wall and shoddily replaced. But whatever. I can live with that too, and with the much crappier water pressure. We were only staying a few nights.

But then we had all the internet issues. Grrrrr. And then this morning I went to the bathroom and apparently used too much toilet paper.

Confession time. I do use a lot of tp. I use it for the obvious reasons and also to blow my nose, as a make up aid, to wipe off the kids...you name it. But I did not put enough tp in the toilet to justify a blockage. The kids were still asleep, so I didn't want anyone coming in to wake them up. HELLO! Sleeping kids. Never disturb! I suggest we go buy a plunger. R looks at me like I'm nuts and says, "We are NOT buying this hotel a plunger!" Well, okay. That makes sense, actually. So he goes down and borrows one. Since I am the toilet breaker, I am the toilet fixer. Voluntarily. But when I go in to unstop the toilet, the toilet has already done most of the work itself. Even better.

But then this makes me remember about our trip to Oklahoma in 2000. R took me to meet his Dad and stepmom and we stayed in a local hotel. That hotel visit? Was a lot like this one. Lots of little things just went wrong. One of the worst? R wasn't feeling well and had gone to the bathroom. We hadn't been dating all that long, so this trip was a big deal for both of us. He comes out of the bathroom, all freaked out. R is a very private person in many respects. The toilet was clogged and he was a combination of horrified, embarrassed, and irritated. He went to ask for a plunger, and the front desk insisted on sending someone with him to unclog the toilet. So in they come. The toilet was fixed quickly but then the fixer guy starts to lecture R about using too much toilet paper. We get the back story on low flush toilets (they bought 'em), how important it is not to use too much tp, how these toilets save money and water (then lower your dang rates), and on and on. I think the guy told R about seven times about not using too much toilet paper. R listened to all of this, just wishing the guy would shut up, and he finally yells, "I ONLY USED TWO SQUARES!"

Which, first...was hilarious for me. Who can wipe their butt with two squares? Second...ewwww. Only two squares? Ewwwwwwwww. Third...hahahahaaaa! R actually raised his voice (first time I'd ever heard him do that). Fourth? The hotel guy wasn't buying it and KEPT talking about TP usage. R finally got him out the door and he and I? We changed hotels. One that let us use more than two squares of tp without a lecture. Because you know what? I am physically incapable of only using two squares of tp for anything. Ever.