Friday, October 7, 2011

Writers Workshop: What does this mean?

They just aren't that into you.

Anyone remember that episode of Sex and the City? If not, the theory of "he's just not that into you" turned into a book (which I didn't read) and then a movie (which I did see and was...meh).

This is so, absolutely, positively, utterly true. Not just about dating relationships, either. Any relationship fits.

I have spent what would probably add up to years and years waiting for people to make an effort be part of my life. Heck, sometimes I was happy for a hint of effort. No worries, mate! I'll do all the heavy lifting. Even imagined effort would work for the right person.

After I split up from my first husband, I made a concentrated effort to go out with anyone that asked me. I figured that since I had made so many bad relationship choices by thinking I knew what I was looking for that going out with what I didn't think I was looking for might actually work. I joined a dating website, and the adventures began.

I went on some great dates. I went on some awful dates. I got stood up. I heard a bunch of lame excuses. I learned how to spot a married guy in an introductory email. I met a lot of nice guys. I met a lot of not so nice guys.

But the most important thing I learned was that if a man was interested, he would call - no matter how busy or crazy work was, no matter who he had just broken up with, no matter what his friends thought. If he was interested, he'd call. And if he didn't call, he wasn't really interested.

What has taken me so much longer to learn is that this theory is just as valid on friendships.


That's not entirely accurate. I've known it for a while. It's just taken me a long time to accept it.

Let's be honest, it sucks when you like someone more than they like matter what the relationship.  But even if the effort has a five year break between tries, effort will be made. And if it isn't, my advice is this: keep an open mind and an open heart, but don't see effort that isn't there. In the long run, you'll be a whole lot happier.

Writing workshop prompt by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

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