Ummmmm....well, I am now?!?
I'm mentioned a time or twenty-seven that my workouts have really been a struggle lately. Part of it is almost certainly lack of proper motivation. Let's face it, the rut I'm in currently may actually be big enough to camp in.
Last weekend in the beautiful mountains of Tennessee? Not once did I think 'ooooh...we should go hiking or walking or....anything'.
Not good. And not like me at all the past couple years.
I thought a lot about that on the way back to Illinois. Is it really just a motivation issue or is it something else?
I didn't really come up with any sort of answer. I mean, when I work out now, I know I have to listen to my body...but what if my mind is playing tricks on my body and I just think I need to stop/slow down when I really don't. What if I'm taking the easy way out? Stranger things have happened.
Or...maybe I just needed to take a break from working out. Which, if I'm totally honest with myself, I've kinda already been doing. I'm soooooo much slower on cardio equipment these days. I get tired so easily. I feel like I'm rolling backwards downhill and can't stop.
So today, I got on my bike and rode to the Y. On the way there, I stopped twice: once to adjust my backpack and iPod, the other because the chain was making a noise that sounded like it could mean trouble. The whole time I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make it.
But I did make it. I went super duper slowly sometimes, but I made it. Even though I was tired, by the time I was ready to leave the Y, I was ready to ride back. And the ride back went much better, much faster, and much easier. And, I only stopped (briefly) for stop signs.
And I realized on my bike ride home that fear is holding me back just as much as lack of motivation or anything else. And that just will not do.