Saturday, January 22, 2011

The one where I get my first massage in six years

I hope I haven't already written about my last massage experience. I'm too lazy to go back and recheck (I've been blogging off and on for three years now) and I don't tag my posts. I think we can chalk that up to a bit o'the laziness too. If I'm repeating myself, I beg your pardon.

I got a Massage Envy gift certificate for my birthday and another one for Christmas. After fruitlessly trying to get an appointment during the day while S was in school or early enough in the evening so that I'd be home to put the kids to bed, I gave up and made an appointment for 7 pm last night.

Flashback time. My last massage was in February of 2004. I had just found out I was pregnant with T and R got me an hour long massage for a Valentine's Day gift. As far as massages go, I'm strictly an upper torso gal. That massage ended up being full body. I don't remember anything else about it other than the fact that the massage technician did my legs and feet.Any relaxation gained prior to the feet and leg portion was immediately reversed right about the first touch.  I have really dry, often cracked feet. So I hate for anyone to touch my feet. I love the idea of a pedicure, but the actual part where some unlucky salon worker gets to try to grind half an inch of dead skin off my heels? Skeeves me out. ::Shudder::

As she worked her way up my legs, I realized two things. 1) I've always thought my legs were pretty muscular. I mean, sure, there was fat there too, but there was at least as much muscle as fat. 2) #1, while possibly true in the past was for sure no longer true. Not. even. close.

How do I know this? Oh, just from the feeling of fat being shoved up my leg towards my hip. Then, of course, she let go and my leg fat made this totes lovely tha-wummping sound and I'm pretty sure the table shook a bit. Yay. I feel pretty!

So, that was my last massage until last night.

I was nervous. Understandably.

It's late and I don't want to bore you, so I'll sum up my massage as quickly as possible. The technician actually asked what I was comfortable with. We agreed upper torso only, I partially disrobed and hopped onto a lovely heated table and she came back in to begin.

50 minutes later, the massage ended.  Here's what I learned this time. I'm knotty.  Every time she started working on a new area, she'd say, "Wow. You have a lot of knots." In 50 minutes, she only got my neck, shoulders, arms and upper back done. There was an invisible line on my back where I could feel where she had and hadn't worked. In case any of you have never had a massage, 50 minutes is generally enough to do a full body massage.

Also? Ouch. Not in a completely bad way, but girlfriend had to use some serious pressure. I started to fight back giggles as she gave up switched techniques and dug in with her elbows. It reminded me of the Friends episode were Ross agrees to massage one of Phoebee's clients cause he thought he'd be doing the hottie and it was really her dad. heehee. At least no one used spatulas or Tonka trucks on me. I think.

Finally, I discovered I am one uber tense person. I kept having to force myself to relax my muscles, and that was before the deep tissue stuff even started. I'm holding a lot more stress and tension than I had any idea of That actually came as a complete surprise to me. I'll be working on improving that. It can't be good to be that keyed up.

When I went to pay, the receptionist told me the technician recommended I come back at least 1 to 2 times a month until we could get all the knots worked out. That'd be nice, but massages aren't cheap.

And then this morning I went to the gym. Whhoooo-eeeeeeeee! What a huge difference it made in my workout. I'm thinking of panhandling, "Extraordinarily tense. Need monthly massages. Please help. God bless."

Kidding. Mostly.

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