Friday, September 30, 2011

Writers Workshop - Yuck! Food Poisoning

That I know of, I've only had food poisoning once. 

And honestly? Once was a gracious plenty.

Defying my entire family and some would say even my southern heritage, I've never cared for mayonnaise. When I was younger, I wouldn't choose to put it on something, but I would eat things that had mayo in them - deviled eggs, chicken salad, pimento cheese.

My freshman year at college, I was home for the weekend. My boyfriend and I were out goofing around and stopped at this German cafe place for lunch. We each ordered a sandwich, mine with no mayo. When they arrived at the table, I took a bite and mayo oozed out. 


A normal person would have politely pointed out the error and asked for a mayo free sandwich. But not me. I scraped as much of it off as I could and then ate the sandwich. Because nothing says carefree and go with the flow like eating something you specifically asked not to have. 

Two hours later, I was sitting on the toilet with my head hanging in a trash can. My body was trying really hard to expel anything and everything it could all at once. Not so pleasant, as it turns out. 

Stupid mayonnaise.

But the worst was the next day, when there was nothing left to throw up and I was still trying.  

Stupid mayonnaise.

Three days later, and I still couldn't keep water down.  I spent a lot of time curled up on the bathroom floor, begging for holy intervention. Also because that way all I had to do was sit up to try and vomit. 

So much fun!

Stupid mayonnaise.

By day five I don't remember if I called my friends or if they called me, but someone me brought some ginger ale. Even though I didn't really like ginger ale, it was like nectar from heaven. A gift from the gods. Bliss in a tumbler. One itty bitty little baby sip at a time.

Stupid mayonnaise.

I have no idea if it really was the mayo or something else that caused me to be so sick, but I choose to blame the mayo since I never really liked it anyway. And that way, when I follow up my 'no mayo' request with "I got food poisoning once" I get less looks suggesting that I'm an alien or had asked for puppy liver pate. 

And, interestingly enough, that little cafe closed down not long after my week long toilet salute. 

Coincidence? I dunno......

No comments: