Thursday, September 1, 2011

Writers Workshop Thursday - 10 Dos and Don'ts of Airplane Etiquette

1) DO - actually check to make sure your carry on bag fits appropriately inside the sample size metal thingy at check in. That's what it's there for, the rules do indeed apply to you too, and I don't want your approved TSA sized bottle of horrible smelling lotion/cologne/perfume/shampoo/hairspray dripping on my head, soaking into my bag, or stinking up the plane because you or someone else had to shove your over sized bag into too small a space. 

2) DON'T - be a jacka$$ to the flight attendant. Planes are over-crowded, on tight schedules, understaffed, and full of impatient, demanding people. If the FA tells you that you need to check your bag, just check it. If the FA says they can't serve you another drink, let. it. go. If the FA asks you to get your seat out of the lap of the person behind you, make like the Nike slogan and just do it. 

3) DO - have your boarding pass and ID ready before you get in line to board the plane. Those of us who have this ready will thank you profusely - if not out loud, then definitely mentally. 

4) DON'T - take your shoes off. Especially if your feet stink. If you aren't sure/weren't aware, the people sitting beside you will give you some pretty reliable cues. And if you have gas, for the love of God, take some tums, pepto, or bean-o. Just because we didn't hear it doesn't mean we don't smell you and and yes, we can indeed tell that it's coming from you. 

5) DO - have some sympathy for people with kids on your flight. If you are annoyed by restless/cranky/crying kids for an hour or two, imagine being in a car with them for six or more hours. That's probably why they are flying. And do you really want a distracted, distressed, exhausted parent barreling down a highway you or someone you love also occupies at 65 mph or more? Nuh-uh!

6) DON'T - look at porn during the flight. Seriously - what are you planning on doing about it in that tiny little seat anyway?!?

7) DO - use common courtesies: please, thank you and excuse me when appropriate, don't throw your trash on the floor, clean up after yourself if you spill something (or you know, pee on the seat or on the floor of the bathroom.) 

8) DON'T - treat your row mates like a captive audience. Some people like to talk, some people don't. Know which one is which. 

9) DO - keep cell phone conversations at a reasonable volume level and appropriate for the people around you. It's the same with all electronic devices..your seat mate may not have the same appreciation for Yanni that you do. Nor do toddlers need to hear the f-bomb or the details about your drunk hook-up last night. 

10) DON'T - for heaven's sake do not make jokes about bombs, terrorists, crashing planes, or anything else of that nature. Not funny. 

Thanks for the prompt Mama Kat! Mama's Losin' It

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