Confession: I'm a people pleasing peacemaker. It's profoundly easy to make me feel guilty. Even when I logically know that there's nothing to feel guilty about.
As you can imagine, this tends to make life....interesting.
Apparently, I've had some sort of breakthrough. Yay!
In the past couple weeks, I've actually said no to things that people have asked me to do. I know it doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but for me this is big. Huge, even. Gigantic, if you will. Practically unheard of prior to the last couple of weeks.
And oh my goodness, it felt fabulous. ::dancing the Balki dance of joy::
Yesterday, after my list of blogs I follow mysteriously reappeared on my dashboard, I was scrolling through and catching up on some entries. One of the blogs I follow used to have me listed on their blog as a blog they read. I'm not listed anymore.
And when I realized how ambivalent I felt about that, I was surprised. There's a bit of history there between me and this fellow blogger. I feel (and I'm sure she would probably disagree) like I've done everything possible that I can do to make it better. I also feel like what would actually make it better for her would be for me to say that everything is my fault, but I don't honestly feel that way. Was the fault partially mine? Yes. Yes it was. But it takes two to tango, no matter how far apart you do it.
So I'm just saying no to letting this weigh me down anymore. And I'm granting myself freedom from feeling any guilt about being relieved.
It's a sweet, sweet thing.