Yesterday was a holiday, and I swear it just makes today feel like Monday. So schedule-ly speaking, I'm all confused.
Plus, my car is in the shop. Yay for prompt service from both the auto body shop and the insurance company (seriously - thank you SO much to both of them), but we chose not to rent a car and are trying hard to work out how all of us can use one vehicle and still accomplish everything we want and need to accomplish.
Really, though - how lucky are we that this is currently our biggest concern? Reliable employment, a roof over our our heads, food in our bellies, clothes on our backs....in the face of all that, what's a little inconvenience? Nothing, that's what.
Also? I haven't almost burned the house down or ruined a meal this week - wooooooo! After last week, I was getting a little concerned.
But tonight what I'm most thankful for is my husband. We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and I asked him based on some conversations we've had and some comments he's made if he thought I was depressed. His answer shocked me. "I don't think you're happy."
So what kind of a be-yotch have I been that he would say that? And yes, I already know the answer. No need to discuss that any further. I've been giving his response a lot of thought. Am I happy? Am I unhappy? What's the deal?
I don't think I'm unhappy overall. I do think I tend to say more negative things to R because I'm happy enough to be who I am with him and say what I really feel. But I also realize that no one wants to be around someone that's negative all the time (ahem - myself included) so I'm taking more time and care about what I say. I'm no less honest with R, but I am more mindful about how I react to things. Really and truly? Most of the stuff I bitch about doesn't even matter a couple hours later. So why am I getting all bent out of shape?
I think I need a new hobby. Something to keep me busy so I don't make a big deal out of the small, unimportant things. Like I tell S, "no point in wasting your freebie tantrum on something silly" Eating is obviously not a good idea for a habit, so I think I'll try push ups this week. Or maybe the crane yoga move from Yoga X.
So R, in case you read this entry (and you'd better, LOL)- thanks for being there for me, for loving and accepting me, and for being honest with me. I'm a lucky, lucky girl to have you as a husband.
2 comments:
Sometimes the ones who love us see things before we do. I've had similar conversations with my husband. Now, I can almost gage my happiness on what I say...or how I say it...to others.
You know what's interesting? That often, the way I mean to say things isn't the way they come out. I can't hear the difference most of the time because I know how I mean it, but if you don't know me I can come across very differently than I intend to.
I do know what you mean, Lanita. I can tell more by the insta-reply in my head than what I say. Most of the time my self edit program saves me if I'm upset or short tempered. Most of the time.
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