Burnout

I've had a serious case of the 'I don't cares'.

This is dangerous for me on so many levels.

When I don't care how well I eat, I usually don't eat well. When I don't care if I work out or not, I usually don't workout. And that, my friends, is a very slippery slope for me to approach.

If I could do anything I wanted - right now - I would crawl in bed, take the phone off the hook, put a stack of books by my bed and disappear for a week or two.

But life doesn't work that way. And even though I have stopped making new commitments of my seemingly non existent free time, I feel overwhelmed and heavily burdened and pulled in too many directions at once.

Oversensitive much? Why, yes. Yes I am. And completely overwhelmed and stressed out.

::Deep breaths::

I miss my husband. Deployments suck. Having sick kids crying for their dad really, really sucks. So does cleaning up vomit. And changing batteries in stupid, chirping smoke detectors.

I'm freaking about my upcoming visit with Chris - terrified that he will get on the plane and be completely disappointed in the reality versus whatever his expectations are and I'm terrified he won't even get on the plane and give us a chance to get to know each other. And I'm supposed to be the adult. ::Snort!::

I worry that I'm going to fail at this whole Beachbody Coaching business. Right now, I am a good example to no one.

Sigh.

But here's the thing that's the most frustrating. I KNOW I can do all of the stuff above. Logically, I know it. I've proven it. But fear is a powerful thing. And I hate that I'm doubting myself. And especially that I'm not treating my body right at the moment. I know that's only going to come back and kick me in the butt.

So I guess I owe myself a big, swift kick in the butt and very loud, "SNAP OUT OF IT!" Where is Cher (a la Moonstruck) when you need her with a well timed, sound-effected movie slap? Huh? Where?!?

Oh - THERE she is. 

This is one of those phases of my life when I don't have the time or luxury to be introverted, and that just makes me want to be that much more so.

Sometimes I think I'm my own worst enemy. Scratch that. Sometimes I am completely my own worst enemy.