I keep thinking I need to start out posts like this with, "I really love my kids" but the truth is, that's obvious or else I would be batshit crazy by now.
This morning, I had to wake Tucker up for school. It's been a hectic week. Lots of stuff going on, and the sad thing is I've cut way back on stuff I used to do. Sara had climbed into my bed sometime around 3 this morning and I let her because she went right back to sleep and she did it quietly and all by herself. When she was still sleeping soundly at 7:25, I walked outside with Tucker and watched him go to the bus stop. My neighbor was there with her kids and I'm fine letting him walk solo if there's an adult there I know. Some of the older kids can be...well...that's a post for another day.
After Tucker gets on the bus I come back in...Sara is still asleep. Awesome. I put in my Yoga X dvd to get my workout started because it's over an hour and a half. And it's difficult. Sara wakes up and comes downstairs right as I'm finishing up. She's well rested and in a good mood.
Can I get a hallelujah?
I give her my full attention all morning. Life is happy and calm. It's cruel too, because on days like this that I see just how nice it can be, it makes bearing the days that are not as nice more difficult.
I'm hoping as I go to meet her bus that she'll still be in a good mood when she gets off. By some miracle, she is.
Could it be? Could it be there there's going to be an entire day without tantrums? Could it? Truly?
We come inside and she immediately asks me if she can have an Oreo. I didn't give her any after lunch today because 1) I didn't think about it and 2) she didn't ask.
So sure, an Oreo or two is okay. She even offers to take Tucker some. Ummmmm, am I even in the right house? Perhaps it's a parallel universe or opposites day. But she takes him two cookies and then asks for more when she finishes her two. I say no.
::end of peaceful and tantrum free day::
I want to tell her it's just an Oreo and not the end of the world. But there's no way she could hear me over all the wailing.
And once the floodgates were opened it was business as usual at Casa Dahl.
And by that I mean that Sara had an issue with any thing we said or did.
Tucker asked to attend Skate Night tonight for his school and he's been so good that I really wanted to be able to take him.
In between fits, we learn that Sara does not want to go to Skate Night, or the gym for Zumba, or anywhere else we want to go, or do anything we want to do.
Which is actually pretty typical and why, an hour later, we'd been to the commissary for bread and chips, the library to return books, the bank to deposit a check, and were now pulling into the skating rink parking lot.
Fits be damned!
That, and once she saw where we were, she was all excited because she'd been here before.
I had asked her no less than three times if she wanted to skate. No, no, no. I asked again as I paid. No. Okay then. We went to get the rental skates and she suddenly wanted to skate.
I pointed out that she had said she did not want to skate at least three times.
Cue tantrums. Tantrum over not getting to skate. Tantrum over needing to go to the bathroom. Tantrum over not being able to sit on the side of the skating rink. Tantrum over my insisting that she put on her shoes to go to the bathroom. Tantrum over my telling her that if she peed in her pants out of sheer spite (as she threatened) she'd spend the rest of the evening in pee clothes.
No fewer than 20 people tried to help 'cheer' Sara up. It couldn't be done.
Not just from tonight, but from the overwhelming constant worry that I am messing up BIG time as a parent. I am frustrated that my kids lead such a privileged life and yet they have no idea how fortunate they are. I have no idea how to get this message across effectively. Take everything away? Figure out a way for all of us to volunteer so that they get an idea that their lifestyle isn't shared by everyone?
I don't know.
I asked Tucker tonight what I could do to be a better Mom.
His reply? "Get skinnier."
Maybe Sara's fits aren't so bad after all.