Did I catch you at a bad time?

Oh HO! The moment I saw this, I knew exactly what to write.

In different times of my life, I have spent a gracious plenty of time on the phone. Customer service, collections, as a key spouse, working with the PTO, as a Beachbody coach, even a short miserable stint as a telemarketer (I sold aluminum siding. It was horrid.)

One universal truth has come out of my years of experience - and if you know me in real life, this will make perfect sense - I am awful to talk to when I have to call someone I don't know. Especially if I don't want to call them in the first place. UGH.

The worst of the worst were my key spouse experiences. A key spouse is the go-to gal for a squadron - especially for the spouses of deployed Airmen. It's kind of like the way the FRG was portrayed in Army Wives. Kinda.

In the year or so that I was a key spouse, I don't think I had more than three non-awkward conversations with a deployed spouse. In general, the conversation went like this:


Spouse: Hello?
Me: Hi. Is this Mrs. Spouse? (I am SO original)
Spouse: (cautiously) um...yes...
Me: My name is Brooke and I'm one of the key spouses for the Comm Squadron. I wanted to take a moment and call and introduce myself.
::crickets::
Me: I know your husband has been gone for a couple days. Have you been able to talk to him since he left?
Spouse: uh, sure.
Me: Okay, that's good. I'm here to help you in any way I can during this deployment and to keep you informed of stuff going on around base and within the squadron.
Spouse: okay.
Me: Is there anything you need? Is everything going okay so far?
Spouse: I'm fine.
Me: Do you have any questions I can answer or is there any information I can give you?
Spouse: no.
Me: I'd like to make sure that I stay in touch with you. I'd like to call you about once a week or so. Would that be okay?
Spouse: Why?
Me: Just to touch base and make sure you are doing okay.
Spouse: oh.
Me: When is the best time to call?
Spouse: I don't know. Whenever.
Me: Is there a time that I shouldn't call - for example, if you have younger kids who nap...
Spouse: not really
Me: Alright. If you don't mind, I'd like to just confirm I have all the correct contact information for you.
Spouse: you called me so you have my number
Me: yes, but I'd also like to get your email address and your cell number if you have one, just in case.
Spouse: Just in case what?
Me: just in case I am not able to reach you at this number for some reason.
Spouse: Oh. No. I don't want to give you my cell phone number.
Me: Okay, that's fine. How about an email address?
Spouse: No. I'm not giving you my email address.
Me: Alright. Would you like to receive our newsletter? It comes out monthly.
Spouse: no.
Me: okay. Is there anything in particular you might be interested in? Maybe the deployed spouse dinners or some of the activities on base?
Spouse: Not really.
Me: Well, I really appreciate your time today. I'll give you a call next week around this time and see how you're doing.
::crickets::
Me: I hope you have a good day. Let me give you my contact information in case there's anything you need.
Spouse: I don't want it.
Me: But...
click

Cringe. worthy.