Workout Wednesday

I think something might be wrong. Like, really wrong. Last week I skipped workouts Thursday through Sunday. The workouts Monday through Wednesday were pretty pitiful to boot. I had no energy and I was really struggling to get any cardio done. I didn't even attempt a Zumba class. I was too doggone tired - at least until I tried to go to bed and then could not sleep.

Sigh.

I'm pretty sure it's a low iron issue. So I've been really trying to listen to my body. The only problem with that? My body wants to reset to my younger sleep patterns of up at night, sleep during the day. Not so practical when no one else in your household does that, as it turns out. Also? I think my body is secretly lazy. I've had all week to rearrange the furniture downstairs and every time I get ready to do it, I think, "naaaah. Maybe later".

I upped my iron intake and am actually feeling much better today. I made it through an hour of cardio today with no trouble or pain. Of course, I still fell asleep on the couch tonight for about 40 minutes and now I can't sleep. Maybe I'll rearrange the furniture....

Naaah. Maybe later.

Let's do likes and dislikes!

These are my top five likes and dislikes at the moment

Dislikes:

1. My four year old's attitude. Unbeknownst to her, when she comes back from day camp tomorrow, her bedroom will contain her bed, her dresser and a light bulb. That's it. Even the ceiling fan blades are coming off. Everything else she can earn back.

2. The amount of dust in this house. Where does it come from?!? It's without end!

3. Cutting into a watermelon to discover that it's pretty much mush. Yuck!

4. Humidity. Really, just one good hair day a week would be really, really nice. Just one.

5. Mold. Because, well...just ewwwwww. Water may be the universal solvent, but mold is its dark, evil challenger. (And I think it's winning since I've never seen water solve a mold problem.)

Now for happier thoughts! Likes:

1. Sunshine! It just makes me happy :)

2. Easy, healthy dinners that the kids eat without complaining. Hubolicious, God bless him, will eat anything. 

3. Date nights. 

4. Crushed ice. I'd rather have that than ice cream, no lie. 

5. An entire day of summer day camp inspired freedom. That shizz is blissful!

Licking wounds

Last week I thought that we and another couple had made plans to take all our kids to see Cars 2.  Such plans are always fluid, depending on behaviors, weather, schedules...but my kids were awfully excited. 

On Thursday I was supposed to get a call/text/email from my friend for two purposes: to possibly do something Thursday afternoon, and to finalize plans for this weekend. 

::crickets::

It's not the first time I've been expecting to hear from her and haven't. For the most part, I tend to chalk it up mostly to just who she is (no judgement intended) and it doesn't really bother me. In most other ways, everything is copacetic. 

When Saturday came and I still hadn't heard anything, I just figured that she had decided not to go. And then the Facebook post came. They did, indeed, go. 

Ouch. 

Nursing wounded feelings already, I spend the evening hanging with the kids. R didn't feel well, and was lying down. Shortly before bedtime, with no one upset or throwing an tantrum or fighting. S walks by me and says all nonchalantly, "I don't care about you."

Double ouch. 

I'm mentally prepared for slamming doors and shouts of "You're so MEAN! I hate you!" and such. I mean, I remember clearly saying that to my mom when I was younger when I was really angry.

But I never thought that things would be going well and my four year old daughter would turn to me and be all, 'Yeah, I don't care about you'. Not for one second. 

So today I've been keeping my distance a bit, I mean, I've been around but not fully engaged. As I'm getting ready to go the commissary (after I've showered and dressed, mind you) S walks up with this little smile and says - "Here, Mommy" and tries to hand me a yellow elastic pony tail holder. 

"Thanks, honey, but I don't need it. My hair is too short to put up in a pony tail."

"You do need it. Your hair looks bad."

Gee, thanks, kid. I'll have fun spending your college money on manicures and funky socks. 

Snapshots of NC

Papa and the next generation of terror 

Tae Kwon Do

Learning some skills

My friend Kim and I

Just like Ke$ha says, Blah, blah, blah...

Man! I have completely misplaced my motivation and I'm not sure where to find it.

We stayed so busy while we were out of town at the beginning of June that I spent very little time on the computer, and have to say I really enjoyed being unplugged. Unfortunately, that also meant that my blogging became really sporadic, but my stats show that my numbers have been falling pretty seriously anyway over the last few months and I'm kinda tired of fighting to keep them up. The word that can best describe me these days is without a doubt this one: exhausted.

I Zumba'd my a$$ off in North Carolina, lost about 5 to 10 pounds (depending on the scale I used) while I was there, only to come back to Illinois and be attacked by some freaky form of chronic tiredness. I truly think it's our mattress. I slept SO well at Dad's and I sleep so unwell here. And when I'm tired, I'm cranky. Okay, fine, I'm crankier than  normal.

I was feeling really good about finally, FINALLY getting below a certain weight that I've been battling for a freakin' year. It's been an epic battle. Epic. So I'm not really sure whats happening this week. Even when I go to the gym, I have really just been half assing it, and I haven't managed to drag myself to a single Zumba class this week. I'm just too dang tired. At least my eating has been under control, I give partial credit on that to my dad and his amazing success. It's completely, totally motivating to see him looking so good! (Apparently not motivating enough to get my butt into the gym with purpose, but still....)

Wednesday night, I had a ticket to the Poison/Motley Crue concert in St. Louis with some friends. Yeah, yeah, I don't really strike people as a 80's hair band/heavy metal band  fan. That became pretty apparent when we got to the concert and I felt like I needed more tattoos, LOTS more hairspray, a few packs of cigarettes (no I don't smoke), a fifth of some kind of dark liquor, and heels about five inches higher to even think about blending in. What was I wearing? A pair of non ripped, dark wash jeans and a v-necked t-shirt. Yet I still managed to look like a narc in that crowd. A frumpy, lumpy, sloppy narc as it turns out.

I also forgot my camera so Tascha took all the pictures. She posted them to Facebook last night and I gotta be honest, I was unpleasantly stunned to see what I looked like in them. I had seen them after she took them on her camera, but seeing them computer screen sized versus digital camera sized was a bit (a lot) of a rude awakening. I will not be wearing those jeans again in public - like, ever.

Think I'm over reacting? Here's the pic to support my decision:

Go ahead, click on it to enlarge it and get a bigger look at the size of my bottom half. WARNING!!!! Only do this if you are very, very brave. And if you haven't just eaten. This could, indeed, be the worst angle ever, but I cannot stop staring at how huge my hip/thigh area appears. I'm completely appalled that not only was I walking around in such ill fitting clothes, but that when I looked in the mirror before I left, I thought I actually looked good. It's time for the perception versus reality talk again. 

Here's a picture taken before we left for the concert that looks more like what I saw in the mirror before I left:

I certainly don't think I look small in this picture (because I'm still not a small girl), but this picture doesn't make me want to dive back into bed and pull the covers over my head, and hide at the horror of having to appear in public this way. The picture above this one? Totally makes me want to do that. UGH!

I think I'm going to have to admit that my mother and Tascha (my friend in the picture) are right. My clothes are too big and those too big clothes are just making me look even bigger than I am. Like life isn't cruel enough reflected in full length photos.

Blah, blah, blah. 

Being needed

It hit me a few minutes ago as I was trying my best to catch up some blog reading that I'm not as needed by my kids anymore.

Not really sure how to feel about that at the moment.

I'm glad they are independent and like to figure things out for themselves. I like that I no longer have to be RIGHT THERE every second for them to have a good time.

I really like being able to go to the bathroom all by myself. (Not gonna lie - I really, really like that.)

At Dad's they would go downstairs and play for a while with no intervention from me. At Mom's they would play on the porch or go outside even if I weren't with them.

It surprised me to discover that my favorite part of that was that they always came back.

Today they kids have spent the last hour and a half playing on the floor together with a minimum of fighting.

No I haven't drugged them. Or threatened them. Or pissed them off.

They went to vacation bible school today for the morning. I was looking forward to it for many reasons. T decided he didn't want to go this morning and that he would hate it. I told him, gently but firmly, that he was registered, I had paid, and he was going. I figured that he'd get there and all would be well.

It was.

He wasn't the least bit hesitant to go in or for me to leave - partly because he saw people he knew from school, the Y, and from kids club. I had hoped that would be the case.

I went to the gym, did a couple of really boring errands, and then picked them up. When T saw me coming, his face lit up and he gave me a really cheerful "HEY MOM!" from across the room.

It's pretty cool that my kids can make me feel like a rock star some days.

We picked up S, headed home, had lunch, played a game together, watched a half hour of Nick Jr., and they've been playing since then.

Sometimes? Sometimes I love these kids so much my heart actually hurts. Today is so one of those days.

I feel like I haven't blogged in forever! Oh, wait...that's because I haven't.

So! North Carolina. It was brutally hot. BRU-TAL. Every pool we managed to visit had temperate water already. And they had just opened. I feel like I walked around for two weeks perpetually sweaty. Granted, all those Zumba classes added to that, but still. It was just hot and humid and sticky. Oh thank goodness for air conditioning! And cold showers!

We had a great visit. It was hard to be away from R, but he probably really needed a little peace and quiet (and a chance to miss us). It was funny that we stayed busy all the time, but didn't really DO anything. It's the kind of busy where you feel relaxed at the end of the day. I got to see my brother, his wife and their kids which was great. I got to see some friends, not everyone I wanted to, but time just went by so quickly! I dropped by one of the credit unions I used to work for to say hello to my ex co-workers. Miss those girls!! Visited with my grandmother (that's going to be it's own post in a bit). Saw a few family members, went to a pre-wedding reception, had dinner with Kim, Angie, Chris, and Caitlin, lunch with Tina, and ate some yummy, yummy food. One of the things I love the most about North Carolina is that I can just jump right back in when I visit. I know where to go for most things I need or want and I know how to get there. Oh, how I love that.

We stayed with Dad and Susan, which worked out great. They have a huge family room downstairs and the kids could go down there and be loud (because, well, they are loud) without interfering with what was happening upstairs. And they liked it down there so much (not that it had anything to do with the big TV) that they were willing to go down and play by themselves for a decent amount of time. Which, you know, YAY!  I could actually have an uninterrupted adult conversation. It was bliss!

And, I have to give props to Dad - he's lost a bunch of weight and I'm so proud of him. He looks amazing! Go Dad! It helped me to stay more on track nutrition wise while I was there. And that's hard for me because I was surrounded by amazing cooks and food and just...yum. Have I mentioned that the original Krispy Kreme is in Winston-Salem? I don't know what it is, but to me that store has the best tasting donuts on the planet. Sounds crazy, but it's still true. And when I couldn't resist the call of  'fresh hot' donuts any longer? I was able to buy one donut, take one bite, and throw the rest away. I can absolutely assure you that has never happened before. But I just wanted one taste, and one taste was enough.

After leaving NC, we went to R's mom and stepdad in Clarksville, TN for the weekend. It was nice. Also nice? It was only four hours home from there.

And now we're back home. As we left the gym this morning, T pipes up from the back seat, "I'm glad we're home, Mom."

Me too!!

I've been re-Zumba-fied!

My cousin Debbie was telling me about the place she goes to workout right after we got to North Carolina. On Memorial Day, I met her there to check it out. This is a women only workout center (not Curves) and they offer a TON of classes featuring lots o' Zumba. Sign me up!!!

It's no secret how much I love me some Zumba, but I really hadn't been going much at home lately. The last few times I've been at home, the classes have been so crowded it's been hard to move very much. Let's face it, Zumba is way more fun when you have room to do your thang. 

I have had the best two weeks. Every day is a different instructor with different routines. Oh my gosh, so much fun! I even did Zumba toning. I'm really bummed that my Zumbacation is almost over.  

Also? I have to give props to my hometown workout partner, Debbie, who was totally fibbing when she said she wasn't very good. 

it's a quickie, but that totally counts, right?

The kids and I are in North Carolina, hanging with family.

Seriously? As vacations go, this has been pure bliss. I do wish there were about 10 more hours in a day, but that's something that always seems to be on my 'wouldn't it be nice' list.

We've been here for almost two weeks now, we are leaving on Saturday to head home via a stopover in Clarksville, Tn to see my in laws.

Sometimes this stay at home mom thing really rocks.

I've been Zumba-ing my little heart out (and not so little ass off) at a local fitness center and I feel amazing! The instructors here? Tough without actually trying to kill you and the routines are varied so it's always new and fun. So, fine, I'm admitting it. Workout wise, cardio trumps weight lifting - at least for me at the moment. I haven't even gotten out my Jillian Michaels DVD. Sorry, Jill. I still love you. Really I do.

Alrighty then. Time to wake up the kiddos and start my day (with more Zumba, natch).

Be back soon.

Pinky swear.