This morning I wake up and jump into the morning routine - the kids and I head out to the car (on time, ifIdosaysomyself), and I push the unlock button on the remote. Nothing.
Oh. NO!
I manually unlock the van, say a little prayer to the battery gods who were obviously busy with real problems, and try to start the engine. Yeeaaaaahhh. Not gonna happen. I don't even get an almost out of it - just a rrrrrrrrrrrrr. R's at work, no one I know lives very near here, and this is just not good. I get the kids back into the house which is surprisingly more difficult than getting them out the door, and do my best Winnie the Pooh impression (think, think, think!). I decide my best option is to appeal for help on Facebook, but I go ahead and call R at work anyway. No answer. So then I call Kellie - but remember that she's probably at aerobics already (which is where I'd rather be) when she doesn't answer. Lucky for me, R calls back and says that he can come and help.
While we are waiting, I decide to actually made good use of the time and clean the kitchen. I mean, it's not like I can throw the "gosh, I've been running around all day and I just haven't had a chance, honey" excuse at R now (darn it!). He shows up right about the time I'm finishing up, so we head out to the cars to jump the van. R goes to hook up the jumper cables and as soon as he connects the second black jumper handle to my very dead battery, my car alarm goes off. Well now, that's not good. In all the times I've had a battery die (and there have been many), I've never had the alarm activate when trying to jump the car. Hmmm. So we disconnect and try to figure out why that's happening (totally have no idea). We notice that the connectors are wet from where they hit the ground, so we dry them off and try again. Same thing. Well, now, this is strange.
A few minutes later, we decided to just jump the car anyway. I've got things I have to do today and R can't hang around all day either. The van starts, but the alarm is still going off. We can't get the alarm to turn off until the van has enough battery power built up to respond to the remote. So - to our neighbors, I'm really, really sorry about that. At least it wasn't 6 am, right?
The kids and I get back into the car and R follows us long enough to make sure we aren't going to get stranded. I pull up outside of the CDC, and darn if their fire alarm doesn't go off. That's just weird. I kept waiting for random alarms to go off when I walked by, but so far, things seem to have settled down. You know, that actually wouldn't be a bad idea for a super power - I could be Siren Girl: able to damage ear drums or trigger a migraine in one short minute.
Finally, we get the okay to enter the building, I drop off S, and T and I head to the BX to look for some jeans for him. I was actually hoping for sweatpants, but typically, there were none to be found. By the time we find some, pay, and get back home, I've basically got 30 minutes before the bus picks up T. We pull up and T announces, "I have to go potty!" We've been fussing at him about going outside because he likes to pee over the wall dividing our property from the neighbors yard. When no one was living there and the yard was overgrown, I didn't see a problem with him going. However, it's an entirely different matter now so we are highly encouraging him to go inside. Because of that, I'm rushing to unlock the door to let him in when the urge suddenly hits me so I tell T to hurry up because I have to go too right as our landlord walks up. I get the door open and T rushes inside to go to the bathroom. Mr. Lua wants to know if I mind if he adjusts the furnace for the time change. Not at all. But he needs my keys, so I give him the keys and try to think of things not related to bathrooms or water. Right about then, T yells for me, so I excuse myself and run upstairs. I left our front door open because 1)the bathroom's upstairs, and 2) I know I'll be right back down. T just wants a sandwich and some juice, but nature is screaming so I dash into the bathroom.
Now - somewhere, somehow T has started putting the whole lid down, which is great. However, he thinks it's hilarious to start to go and then flip up the seat, which gets pee all over everything. So as I'm hopping from one foot to the other trying to pull down the workout leggings I've FINALLY lost enough weight or inches to get back into, I flip up the lid to see pee all over the seat. I have to go too badly to wipe it off first, so I decide to just squat. Except my leggings prevent me from getting my legs far enough apart to stabilize myself and I promptly lose my balance and manage to pee on myself. Oh good lord. So I finish going, clean up myself and the 'accident' site (oh, flushable and Lysol wipes, how I truly, truly love thee) and hobble to the sink to wash my hands. Yes, my leggings are still around my knees because I'm NOT taking my shoes off until I cleaned the floor up and there's no way I'm getting my leggings off until my shoes are off. As I'm washing my hands, the phone rings. T brings me the phone (MOM! The phone is ringing.) It's my friend Kellie. I'm trying to sound like everything's normal when T starts trying to tug up my pants announcing loudly, "Mom, you need to pull up your pants. I'll help you. UGGGGGGG. I can't! They're too tight." Sigh. As I start to explain this to Kellie, I hear Mr. Lua say that he's all done and he wants to give me back my keys. Well, one thing's for sure - there is NO way I'm walking out of the my bathroom bare bottomed to get keys. UH-UH! And, I have no other pants handy since our bedroom and all our clean clothes are on the other side of the house. I call out "Danke" to him and ask him to just leave the keys, Kellie thinks I'm talking to her, Tucker is still announcing that I have no pants on....it's just not my day. Finally, Mr. Lua grasps the situation and says he'll just leave the keys on the inside of the door. Vielen Dank, truly! I explain to Kellie what's happening and put the phone down long enough to go and grab a pair of pants. Crisis averted, and T totally lucks out because in the ensuing confusion, I didn't say a word about the toilet seat, even though I have NOT forgotten.
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