Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A poo story - and I don't mean the bear.

Any of you who are moms know that on occasion, talk about kids turns to stories of poo - and I'm not talking about the bear. For anyone that finds talking about such things offensive, I warn you now - stop reading immediately.

It's been really warm here lately, which has been nice to feel like it's really summer, but interferes with my sleeping. Even though our bedroom is pretty cool, we had to break out the fan, which means that I alternate between too warm and too cool. The only reason this is any kind of important is because I'm really not sleeping well. Just a little background to explain why I was so tired yesterday. S was running a fever off and on Sunday and yesterday. When she doesn't feel well, she wants to be held - just like most kids, I suspect. When I'm cuddling with S and I get really still when I'm tired, I tend to nod off as well. Luckily, I have T around to shout, MOMMY ARE YOU ASLEEP? WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!! if I do. After lunch, S, climbed up in my lap and fell asleep. T, who wanted me to play trains with him, was nice enough to bring me S's blanket and pillow from her room. When I went to lay her down on the makeshift bed we made her on the floor, she woke up. So, T, S and I ended up all lying on the floor watching a movie. T looks over at me and says, close your eyes, Mom. Which was pretty much all it took for me to fall asleep. I vaguely remember him moving around and when I woke up about an hour later, S was still fast asleep and T had demolished a huge bag of chips. He also informed me that he'd had a big poop with lots of toilet paper. I didn't think much of it because I'm used to getting the play by play in such things.

A little later I went into the bathroom (the door had been closed) and realized something was not okay. Both toilet seat lids were down which should have been my second clue that something was really wrong. I lifted up the lid and tried not to gag. There was a LOT of toilet paper in the toilet and the smell - well, let's just say that the fertilizer they spread around here would have been an upgrade. At first glance I thought that it was just the abundance of paper that was the issue. It was also obvious that T had tried to flush, but the poor toilet just couldn't handle it. So, I figured I'd get a garbage bag, scoop up the excess tp, and all would be right with the plumbing. Because stuff like this completely grosses me out, I grabbed a bunch of empty plastic grocery bags because there was no way I wanted to touch the stuff that was in there. Armed with supplies, I marched back into the bathroom to fix the problem.

So I wrapped my hand in the bag and went to work. Know what the problem was? It wasn't exactly the TP. There was a LOT of poop in the toilet. The TP was just a clever disguise. At this point I was actually gagging when I realize that I have poo all over the side of my hand. How in the world did all that poo come out of one tiny little tushie? How was he not sick with all that in his system? Half an hour, 45 Lysol wipes, one plunger and lots of retching later, I had the toilet unplugged, a garbage bag with what seemed like five pounds of poo in it, and a brand new respect for plumbers. I also have a healthy respect for intestines and bowels. How he had all that in his system without poisoning himself is a mystery to me. No wonder he was so grouchy!

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