Deployment.

First my confession: When Robert told me he had been selected for this round of deployments, I wasn't exactly thrilled. I, just like most military wives (I suspect), went through a gamut of emotions. Some of them weren't so pretty.

Deployments stink for many reasons - the time apart, the likelihood that there's no family close by to help, the stress and worry about someone you love being in a danger zone, the mental strain of going from a dual parent household to a single parent household and then back again. It's basically a huge period of coping and adjustment followed by another huge period of coping and adjustments.

Photo credit: emmatiebens.com

However, we are pretty fortunate. At least Robert has a military job now that doesn't require him to be gone very often. In 13 years in the Air Force, this is his third deployment. It's the first time he's been sent to a combat zone by the Air Force and this is the first time he's missed Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Army life was, by far, much harsher. And that's considering that we weren't even married when he was in the Army. 

Once I had moved into the acceptance stage of the reality of this deployment, I started trying to think of something I could do to let Robert know how much he is valued and would be missed by the kids and I.

I had an idea of writing him a letter every day - something grand and kind of old-fashioned -- like you did before email and technology and whatnot. I guess I'm too used to the instant gratification of technology and social media, because in thinking about it, between the cost of stamps and the time delay of getting from here to there, I decided to email every day instead. It's not the grand romantic gesture I first imagined, but at least he gets a letter of sorts every day from me.

And as deployments go, this first part has been okay. The kids and I are staying busy and we are still around everything safe and familiar so we have the easy part. Plus, we have had neighbors and friends make sure we know they are there should we need anything. I cannot express how grateful we are for all the love and support. I know that it puts Robert's mind at ease as well to know that we have support at the ready. So from the bottom of all our hearts, thank you for the love and words of encouragement we've gotten. Here's hoping the rest of this deployment goes as well as the first part and that at this time next year, it's all a hazy memory.

The Start of a New Era

::taps mic::

Um, hello. Is there anybody out there?

(FYI - Now I have Pink Floyd lyrics in my head. Earworms.)

It's been almost seven months since my last confession blog post. I'd say I'm sorry, but you know? I'm not really. Life happens and that's okay.

There have been so many changes. I am in the process of growing a spine, and while it's been slow going and more painful than expected, I feel like I'm finding my way back to myself again. That's good. I've been lost and pretending not to be for ages. I finally got tired of the charade.

Trying to get my life together. Credit: Memes.com

Robert is currently away on his last military deployment. There is a lot of unknown stretching out in front of us for the next year, but deep, deep down inside I am at peace with all the change. That's something new and different for me. Usually I fight change with every fiber of my being.

I spent a lot of time volunteering last year. A lot of time. I learned many valuable lessons. I met some incredible people. I also met some assholes, but that's just life, kids.  This is all going to tie together in the next little bit, so bear with me. I'm normally super long winded (Universe: Duh! Me: Cut me some slack, willya? Universe: *fake snoring*) but I am trying my best to keep this short and to the point.

After much obsessive over-analysis, elliptical therapy, therapy in general, and a genuine desire to get my shit together for good, I have come to the following conclusion.

I am not willing to be afraid of life anymore. It's time to dive right in to the ocean of life instead of sticking my big toe in once every three to twelve months. It may be messy, it may be hilarious, it will probably be a big ol' hot mess, but it's gonna happen.

I hope you'll come along for the ride.

Thanks for reading. See you soon.