The World According to Sara

We were off to such a good start this morning. The kids woke up in a good mood, got ready for school with no problems, ate breakfast without complaining. For about 30 minutes, I wasn't sure if I was in the right house.

After Tucker left for school, Sara and I hung out until it was time to leave to take her to school.

Everything was hunky dory.

Then we got in the car.

I guess she sat on some sort of personality switch because all of a sudden, my adorable sunshine and light child turned into a screeching banshee.

To the best of my ability, this is a list of her complaints from the 15 minute car ride this morning.

Brace yourselves. And be glad this isn't a video blog because I totally would have taped and posted her today.

I didn't play the right version of a song on my iPod.

When I corrected it - scratch that - attempted to correct it, it was TOO LATE to FIX it! WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So, I switched it to a song I had the audacity to want to hear.

Bad move on my part.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I turned off the stereo completely and really, really made her angry.

SCREECCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I pulled the car over and waited as patiently as I could for her to calm down. I did better than I expected, even managing to calmly explain why the radio was off, I had pulled over, and why her behavior was so not okay.

After she tearfully and only slightly insincerely apologized, we got back on the road and kept going.

And then it started to rain, which simply must have reminded her of crying or something, because she burst into tears and when I asked her what was wrong....

Sara: "Tucker's window has more rain on it than my side and THATSNOTFAIR!!!!"

Sigh. Are you kidding me?!?

Me: Seriously?!? You are SERIOUSLY complaining that there's more water on Tucker's side of the car?

Sara: Ye-eeee-sssssss (sobbing hysterically)

I grabbed my bottle of water, rolled down the window, and twisted my arm back, and poured about half of it down Sara's window.



Me: There. Is that better?

Sara: uh *snuffle* huh.

When I came home after that, I totally went back to bed.

Next time, I'm stopping the car again and doing the most embarrassing rain dance I can think of.

Yeah, I'm lazy about this blog post but read it anyway.

Good morning. I haven't posted since Monday. Oops. I've been in a fog of exhaustion and a small case of the blues. Well, if you can call bursting into tears over barely sentimental commercials and actually sobbing over the ending of Marley and Me (and yes, I'd already seen the movie) a small case of the blues. It could also be PMS, but that's treading into TMI territory.

Anyway, last night after Zumba I came home and made myself a Shakeology, so I woke up way, way early this morning and felt wide awake. Then I noticed that Sara was in the bed with me. Well, okay, not so much noticed as heard because she was snoring like a 60 year old man with clogged sinuses.

I ended up coming downstairs and being all kinds of productive and then emailing Robert to tell him about it and I thought....hmmmm. This would make a good blog post and also I wouldn't actually have to write another one. So below is the copied email for your enjoyment. It's like voyeurism, only I'm boring. Whatevs.

Hey!

I woke up this morning and found Sara snoring in our bed and after I went to the bathroom I couldn't go back to sleep, so I came downstairs to start sorting clothes for the yard sale - at least the ones that were still in the house versus the garage. Heh. Anyway, I noticed that light wood box thing that was under the counter in the laundry room and I thought - hmmm...might as well sell that too. So before I would touch it I had to get the vacuum out and vacuum up the dust bunnies and spider webs that somehow I had failed to notice before this morning at 4:45 am. Cause, you know, it's only been there a couple years or so. 

Since I was vacuuming up the area around the counter, I might as well vacuum the laundry room in general - at least what I could reach without moving the washer or dryer. With the hanging clothes rack moved out, I had enough room to walk between the washer and the counter and I could see behind the washer and dryer. Not. Pretty. And something caught my eye behind the dryer...it was blue. 

Oooooooooooohh. 

Remember those navy running shorts you were looking for a few months ago? Well, I found them. And a pair of your Air Force PT shorts, two pairs of black dress socks, a washcloth, and about six single socks. But how did I get them out from behind the washer, you may be wondering? I sucked 'em out with the vacuum hose. Clever, right? Yay me. 

I think my project for today besides my workout, the commissary, and Best Buy is going to be figuring out some sort of contraption to hang clothes up in the laundry room because now that the portable clothes rack isn't beside the washer, I really don't want to put it back. And it's also on it's last, sad, portable leg. I also fixed the dryer hose because it wasn't hooked up correctly to the outside vent which explains the draft in the winter, some of the dust in the house, and why there are odd bugs in the laundry room sometimes. 

I've been officially productive and it's not even 6 am. I could make an Army commercial. HA!

Motivation Monday

Nothing motivational about this post. My restart fizzled out by Wednesday and it seems like I spent the rest of the week eating everything I could get my hands on.

It's so frustrating that this is still such a struggle for me! Reality has set in that this will ALWAYS be a struggle for me. Granted, I did really, really well for three months so in some ways I suppose I should give myself a bit of a break, but I also know how easy it is to get off track and how difficult it is to jump back on.

Drat.

On Sunday, I semi got my act together and threw away all the leftover cupcakes and junk food (except for the kids Easter candy) I could find. I started a detox today and did excellent until about 8:30 tonight when I started picking at some leftovers. But even with that, it's probably about half what I've been eating a day, so I'm going to chalk that up to progress and try even harder tomorrow.

With the weight training workouts I did complete last week (I only worked out four of seven days), I was pleased to find that I was pretty much where I left off. So maybe there's hope after all.

Current location: Tantrumville. Apparently the sister city to Hotel California where you can check in any time you like, but you can never leave.

**This was a draft from about a year and a half ago that I never posted. Dunno why. I was going through my draft folder and discarding anything not finished with abandonment when I found this finished but not posted entry. So I posted it, not even thinking about the fact that it would post with a current date. Sorry 'bout that guys!**

Well! (Imagine that said all huffily)

I would greatly appreciate it if the person or persons that smacked me in the back of the head with the bitchy stick would take that stick and stuff it up their nose. And? I hope you get splinters.

Let me give you the background. Last night, right before bed, T was rolling around in the living room. I have no idea why. All of a sudden, he looks up at me and says, "Mom? Are you having another baby next week?"

What!?!

About a hundred things race through my mind. After I said no, I asked T why he asked me that. More rolling around and smirking and avoiding the question followed, but he finally said something in bits and pieces that amounted to this - because my belly is 'big and round', that should mean I'm having a baby.

Fair enough.

But with the look on his face, I was wondering where that question came from. My concern was that T was being made fun of for having an overweight Mom...which really, would just kill me. I mean, life is hard enough without having to carry someone else's burdens, no matter what that burden might be.

Before we got a chance to talk about it, R ushers him up to bed quickly, mistaking the look on my face for being hurt and upset at T for asking that question rather than being worried that my issues were already causing trouble for someone in my family. I hid for months in Germany from others because R was a PT leader and a pretty relentless one, and back then when you saw R and I side by side? To borrow a phrase from my friend MaryBeth - we made a perfect 10. He was the 1 and I? I was the 0. I didn't want to be the zero. And I didn't want people making fun of my husband because his wife was fat.

So this morning, S was dragging her feet about everything, and when it was time for us to leave to go to T's bus stop, S was sitting completely naked on the potty singing what I think was Jesus Loves Me. For my own mental preservation, sometimes I tune S out so that all that registers with my ears is just sound in general instead of specific, separate sounds.

I walk outside with T to watch him walk to the bus stop, but try to stay as close to the house as possible because I did not want S walking outside naked (she was having a fit over not wanting to dress herself), I didn't want to walk T all the way to the bus stop in case he was being made fun about my weight.

I end up standing on the sidewalk at the edge of our yard, a little less than halfway between the house and bus stop. T is now at the bus stop and is behaving. Then I hear a sound. S is now standing outside the front door in only her underwear. I mean, at least she's wearing underwear, but for the love of pete! Can't anyone in this house just freakin' listen to me and do what I ask every now and then without debate, tantrums, or eye rolling? I should also mention that S refuses to learn how to open the screen door. She can push the button on the handle and she can pull the door open, but she refuses -- refuses -- to push the button while pulling on the handle. I don't know. This has been an issue since we moved into this house. Whateva!

So now I've got one kid at the bus stop, one kid in skivvies at my front door making a LOT of noise, so I edge towards the front door. It's chilly outside this morning, and S is quite unhappy that she's outside and she's cold and she can't open the door herself. Which, honestly? I think she most certainly can open the door, she just wants someone to do it for her.

Oh good, here comes the bus. I start backing up towards S and the door so that by the time T is on the bus, I'm almost to S. And hopefully my babyless belly is blocking the neighbors view of her. Have I mentioned yet that it's only 7:30? In the morning?

I usher S back inside and get us ready to go. We get back home around noon, and everything is fine. Then S decides she's not going to take a nap even though she is tired and needs one. I knew the napping habit from a few weeks ago was a fluke, especially when she ended up getting sick, but a mom can hope, right?

T gets home from school, we leave to do some errands, and the kids both have a huge meltdown at the commissary. Over nothing. By the time we get home, I'm frustrated and tired of silly fights, no time to myself, and honestly? I'm tired of toddlers. This does not bode well for me for the teen age years.

R gets home and mows the yard. The kids are in and out, in and out, in and out. And they are yelling to R over the noise of the mower and trimmer. This frustrates R and he snaps at them. More kiddo tears. I, still wrapped in my bitchy attitude, am not sympathetic to either side. Yes, it's frustrating that S seems to be stuck in perma meltdown, wailing, crying mode. Yes, it's frustrating that T is so used to it that he just tries to talk over her adding to the noise and chaos. Yes, it's frustrating that our frustration and attempts at reasonable resolution conflict are more often than not ineffective so we are mostly just adding to the situation rather than improving it. And yes, it's frustrating that parenting is this hard, this often. Where is our easy button?!?

As we try to decide on dinner, more melting down happens. And I've just had enough. I need a break, so I tell R that I'm going to go for a drive. He, seeing the look on my face, says no problem. "See you when you get back."

So I get in the car and drive. Just drive. Within 10 minutes of total alone time, I totally relax. This helps me to see the situation objectively. And what I see? Is that I'm making a huge deal out of things that really aren't. Which is all well and good and sunshine and rainbows until I get back home and it starts all over and all those good feelings are buried at the bottom of tantrumville, population me.

Sometimes I really wonder if there shouldn't be a program where kids who think they've got SUCH a hard life could spend a weekend with kids who ACTUALLY have a hard life to get some perspective. Because on days like today? I'd totally sign mine up for it. 

Watching it happen

A couple of Mondays ago when I was sick, I ended up having to drive Tucker to school. I was sick enough that I can't remember exactly why I had to drive him to school, but I'm pretty sure it's because I couldn't drag myself out of bed and get myself ready in time to get him up and ready in time. Pretty sad since I'm the Mom and the 'person in charge'. Or so I tell myself. 'Cause we alllllll know that really, Sara is the Queen of the World.

At any rate, as I turned from the road that leads to base to the road that leads to the road that leads to his school (say THAT three times fast), the car in front of me swerved, barely missed tipping over into the very deep ditch, spun around, came to a stop facing the wrong direction about 200 feet in front of us.

Even though I wasn't the one who lost control, my heart was in my throat.

The driver was an older gentleman, and he looked (understandably) really freaked out. The truck that was in front of the older gentleman stopped too, and the driver and I both ran up to the older gentleman's car.

The kids, as we saw this poor man swerving and fighting to regain control, were full of questions: what's happening? Is he having a wreck? Is he going to hit us? Is he okay? Mom, are you going to help him?

I told the kids to stay in our car no matter what as I got out to run over to the other car. The other guy that stopped helped the older gentleman to get his car started and turned around the right way and  we stayed with him for a few minutes until he calmed down. I hated to leave before he was calm enough to drive away, but I had to get the kids to school.

On my way back home, I kept thinking about how close that older gentleman had been to being involved in a serious accident and how a matter of seconds can completely change your life. I mean, I know that you never know what's going to happen but seeing it unfold in front of you is sobering.

The kids still mention it when we pass by that spot every now and then so I know it made a huge impression on them too.

So what's the point of this post? Just a reminder to myself to not sit back and watch life happen anymore and to always try and do the right thing. Apparently, I needed a little reminding. Just glad no one got hurt during the process.

Motivation Monday

Only seven posts in March by me. For shame.

Since I've started a second blog for weight loss/nutrition/fitness, I'm not sure if Motivation Mondays will continue to be the huge extravaganza that it currently is. ::snort!::

That said and until I actually decide, this morning I dove right back into P90X.

Umm......ow. Like seriously....ooooowwwwwwwwwwww.

Sigh. I'm going to tell myself that the pain just means it's working, but I'm also going to tell myself to take some Tylenol and go to bed. Immediately.

And just in case I need a little motivation tomorrow for Plyo? I will tell myself this: when I stand with my feet shoulder's width apart, I can now see daylight instead of thighs.

As any woman can tell you, that's freaking motivating.

Home visiting

I say home visiting because Robert was only here for the weekend. Not. Long. Enough.  But way, way better than nothing.

He and I have been talking about this since before he left for deployment. We got lucky enough that it worked out and he came home on Friday night and I'll be leaving to take him to the airport right after Zumba today. Before you get all "WHAT! You're going to Zumba when your husband is only in town for a couple of days?!!?" let me just tell you that 1) he likes to watch me Zumba (heh heh heh) and 2) we are both changing our lifestyles to be more healthy overall, so yes. Workouts were included this weekend.

So my plan was to get to the airport early and tell the kids we were getting a package. We'd wait by baggage claim for his flight and I could get a great position with my camera to capture the reunion. Robert would come in, tears and joy, and we'd be one big happy family for the weekend.

Well that's not exactly what happened.

We left on time. Just past Fairview Heights, traffic was backing up on 64. I had seen signs that 64 was going to be under construction starting April 2 and to expect long delays, but Friday was March 30 so we should have been good.

Except that the department of transportation decided at some point to close down 64 in both directions at 9 pm on Friday and I had no idea. What time was it that we were trying to get to the airport? We left the house at 8:10.

Oooops.

It took us almost an hour to go two miles. Did I mention I was really low on gas because it's so much cheaper in St. Louis? Yep.

That's what you call asking for trouble.

And the kids, because they had no idea what was really going on, were tired and cranky and over it.

So the vehicular environment was slightly less than hospitable.

Sigh.

Luckily Robert had his phone with him and while I was sitting at a dead stop on the highway, I was able to text him that I was stuck in traffic and was going to be late. His reply? Ok, battery dying.

Awesome!

We found a detour, stopped just outside of Crackville to get some gas, managed not to get car jacked, and finally got to the airport.

By this point Robert found an outlet and had plugged his cell phone in to charge so at least he and I could communicate (no, not while I was driving) without giving away the surprise to the kids.

We walked into the airport, went to baggage claim, I get my camera ready (luckily I'm always taking pictures so the kids don't even give it a second thought any more), and I hear Robert call our names.

So I only got pictures from the back, but you know what? I could care less. The emotions are all over the photos. As you can see here: